If your spouse or child forgets important dates or events regularly for example and it frustrates you and each and every time it happens you complain, grow frustrated or criticize, how can you be the change you seek if you are not forgetful? Why is it so important that your family members remember and perform according to the way you see fit? Control is the underlying motivator behind your judgment and criticism.
Control is a behavior which flowers from insecurity. Insecurity results from fear. Fear of what? Fear of being late or fear of being judged by others for being late? Fear of being perceived in a way that will make you feel inadequate or inferior?
Consider this. You are driving along the freeway and your intention is to get over to the far right lane to get onto another highway. You wait until the last minute and just as you are preparing to get over a person cuts right in front of you causing you to swerve and miss your turn off. You grow frustrated inside and judge the person in your mind by labeling the person a bad driver. This mood remains with you for the next couple of hours affecting your every interaction. The verbal mental venting gives you temporary relief but at whose expense? By labeling and judging the other, you empower your own insecurity and fear. If we cannot control another person’s thoughts, actions and behaviors to conform to our own, the second best thing too many will be to judge criticize or separate our self from them. What aspect of human existence is responsible for this?
Jesus makes distinction between the spirit and the flesh (body). The behaviors that originate from the body (ego) are anger, judgment, control, frustration, impatience, violence, dishonesty, etc. All of these states have to do with self. You grow angry when things do not go your way. We become violent to defend our causes and beliefs and we judge others when they act in a way unacceptable to how we believe things should be.
Disconnecting ourselves from frustration and anger starts with recognizing their existence. You can simply say to yourself, here is frustration, or here is anger. You can do the same with impulses. Once the thought arises, it has the potential to affect your stress hormones, body language, facial expression, breathing and then your actions.
When you step into the observer position you are acting from your default state, your spirit the part of you with infinite potential that never dies and never experiences these emotions, so you have infinite options before you. When the disempowering mood arises avoid fighting against it or trying to suppress it. See it for what it is; a reflex conditioned response. Accept the disempowering state for what it is. Remind yourself you are not your mood, you are not your anger, frustration or anxiety or circumstance.
The disempowering state of mind is merely a conditioned response anchored into your nervous system and as such at times resembles a reflex. It comes automatically in response to specific thoughts, circumstances & events. It is not who you are nor does it originate from your essence, your spirit. It is of the flesh, nothing more than an embedded reflex that you can have full control over because the observer in you, your essence is all powerful, all knowing with infinite potential and as long as you operate from this position all things are possible.
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